Boundaries & Your Nervous System: How Saying No Can Help You Feel More Like Yourself Again
You want to be there for everyone. You care deeply. You work hard. You hold so much.
And maybe… you’re also exhausted.
If you're overwhelmed, overstimulated, or running on empty, there's a good chance your nervous system is asking for a boundary—even if you’re not used to setting them.
This isn’t about being selfish or shutting people out. It’s about finally letting your needs matter, too.
Let’s explore:
What healthy boundaries really are
How boundaries regulate your nervous system
Why saying no doesn’t make you a bad friend, parent, or partner—it makes you more regulated
When Your Nervous System Doesn’t Have Boundaries
You’ve seen me write about the fight, flight and freeze responses—the classic nervous system responses to stress. But did you know that fawning is a people-pleasing nervous system response, too?
If you've ever said “yes” when your body screamed “no”—not out of joy but obligation—that was your nervous system trying to keep you safe through connection, approval, or conflict avoidance.
What It Can Feel Like:
Constant tension in your shoulders, neck, or jaw
Difficulty relaxing, even during downtime
Feeling drained after social interactions
Quiet resentment that builds up and eventually bursts
Boundaries aren’t about pushing people away. They’re about protecting your energy so you’re not constantly stuck in survival mode.
How Boundaries Regulate Your Nervous System
We often associate nervous system regulation with breathwork, grounding, or cold plunges—and those are great. But sometimes, one of the most regulating things you can do is:
✨ Decide what’s not yours to carry.
Healthy boundaries tell your nervous system: “I’m listening. I won’t push you past your limit today.”
Try These Nervous-System-Friendly Boundary Practices:
✅ Say “Can I get back to you?” before committing to anything
✅ Stop overexplaining when declining an invite or request
✅ Create gentle tech boundaries (no emails after 8 p.m., phone in another room during meals)
✅ Build 3-minute transition rituals between roles (like a short walk, stretching, or quiet breath)
People-Pleasing Is a Survival Response—Not a Flaw
Let’s take a moment to pause with compassion:
If you've spent a lifetime prioritizing others’ needs over your own, there’s a reason.
Maybe it was how you stayed safe.
Maybe you were praised for being easygoing, selfless, or always available.
Maybe peacekeeping became your superpower.
And maybe… you're ready for a new way.
A Gentle Reframe:
Boundaries don’t push people away. They create breathing room in your relationships.
The people who truly love you will adjust—and you’ll have more to give, from a place of alignment instead of depletion.
💭 Try asking yourself:
What part of me believes I need to please others in order to be safe or worthy?
That part deserves tenderness—not shame.
How to Communicate Boundaries Without Guilt
You don’t need the perfect script. But a few go-to phrases can make it easier to set limits while honoring your values:
🗣 Try saying:
“I’m at capacity right now, but I care and hope it goes well.”
“That’s not going to work for me, but thanks for thinking of me.”
“I want to give this the time it deserves—and I don’t have that right now.”
“I need a little space to regroup. I’ll reach out soon.”
It’s okay to feel awkward at first. That’s just your nervous system adjusting to a new pattern. It’s growing with you.
Preserving Energy is a Kindness to Your Future Self
You don’t have to wait until burnout forces you to set a boundary.
You can begin now—with small, doable acts of energy preservation:
🧘♀️ Take a 5-minute break with no productivity goal
🙅♀️ Say “no” even if your only reason is “I’m tired”
📱 Let texts sit for a bit before replying
📅 Cancel a plan that felt good last week but now feels like too much
Every boundary you set is a vote for your well-being.
Every time you honor your capacity, your nervous system softens.
You Deserve a Life That Doesn’t Constantly Feel Like Too Much
Boundaries don’t make you cold. They make you clear.
And clarity is a gift to your nervous system—it helps you show up with presence in the spaces that matter most.
If you're thinking, “This sounds great, but I’m still too overwhelmed to know where to start…”—I’ve got you.
✨ Grab Your Free Guide:
The “Everything Is Too Much and I’m Too Tired” Relief Guide
This gentle, body-centered resource was made for the days when your plate is too full, the noise is too loud, and you just need a minute to breathe and come back to yourself.
Inside, you'll find practical tools to:
Reset your overwhelmed nervous system
Reconnect with your body’s signals
Set boundaries that feel doable—not drastic
You’re not too much. You’re just carrying too much. Let’s start setting some of it down.
